Sources say next week Willie Mehmet Watchdog, the first ex-Catholic and ex-Mafia blogger, will be announcing his presidency for the Southern Baptist Convention. With the lack of clear direction in the SBC and recent scandals from resume enhancing to jet leasing, the time is right for Willie Mehmet to announce his quest for the SBC presidency.Mehmet will announce the Great Conservative Resurrgence Resurrgence (GCRR), to lead the SBC into a resurrgence of the CR platform and strict enforcement of the conservative theology and practice throughout the SBC.
"We need to quit pussy-footing around with our conservative ideals", says Mehmet Watchdog. "Our convention is conservative, and we need to enforce our conservative views on all those that bear the name 'Southern Baptist'. We need money, and its in the pockets and portfolios of our stingy members who are not tithing. For the good of our convention and our country, we MUST strengthen our commitment to the CR."
Willie Mehmet, who was "rrrraised in Eurrrope", and who recently shared his testimony of converting from a strict-Catholic upbringing and his Mafia training in which he was "raised to do that which was done on Godfather I, II, III and some of what was on Goodfellas", will announce this week his candidacy, and his GCRR platform. In the face of some recent criticism over his Catholic and Mafia upbringing, Mehmet says that "I indeed was raised in Eurrrope as a devout Catholic and Mafia member...much of what I learned about Americans I learned from watching episodes of '24' and 'American Idol' back in the 1980's, when the censors in Italy and Beirut and other majority-Italian countries allowed those programs."
Unlike most SBC presidential candidates, Mehmet (whose wife calls him "Dutch", but prounounces it "Dooo-utch" and whose father-in-law is from Kitty Kill, South Carolina, and who drives a pick-up truck and eats Krispy Kreme) will appoint a special team of individuals to implement the GCRR, which reportedly will include some of the more popular CR celebrities and their blogging supporters and defenders.
Stay tuned for details of Mehmet Watchdog's GCRR team appointments!
WD,
ReplyDeleteI know you are just joking with this post, BUT there is so much truth in what you are saying. Indeed, the SBC is in real trouble. the SBC that I grew up in and have served in for35 years is no more. that is so sad.
Keep up you "watching" Thank you for your courage and what you have gone through. there are many church members, pastors and yes, missionaries who have had to walk in the same shoes you have. I know a number of missionaries just from the country I served in who have left since Jan. 2006. I breaks my heart.
WD, maybe, just maybe, you might get elected if ...
ReplyDelete1. You enact as the first resolution that any memeber who is presently a member of a SBC Church can not leave SBC. Yes, a decree that it is a one way street.
2. Implement Mafia style Tithing collection techniques and make it mandatory for all SBC churches.
After the above two resolutions are passed, or even before being passed, all the other pastors will see the wisdom you possess and they will all vote for you.
[Please note the above was sarcasm]
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[The below is not sarcasm ...]
Tim Rogers (TimR2) saga continues ...
southern baptist in nc [Tim Rogers]> Returning to Active Duty.
The first comment there is by Les Puryear, who writes ...
Tim,
If you’re getting attacked by the BaptistLife liberals and especially WB, then you must be doing something right. If I were you I wouldn’t give a lot of credence to what they have to say. They don’t have any credibility in the SBC.
Glad to see your old blog back up and running.
Les.
To get the background of the above, please read ...
Baptist Life Forums > SBC News and Trends > Tim Rogers and SBC Today.
and
Baptist Life Forums > SBC News and Trends > Burleson gets threatened....
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I do not about you, the reader, but I feel really sorry for the state SBC is in.
Maybe, this will help the SBC [sarcasm alert]...
Mehmet will announce the Great Conservative Resurrgence Resurrgence (GCRR), to lead the SBC into a resurrgence of the CR platform and strict enforcement of the conservative theology and practice throughout the SBC.
Classic!
ReplyDeleteOne can learn a lot from those 1980s episodes of 24 and American Idol.
I don't think the SBC is relevant any longer. As a mater of fact so much has been exposed about the millionaire lifestyles and their constant beating the sheep for more money, in addition to other problems of the mega preachers and shenigans in churches, I don't think mega anything is relevant any longer. We are in the end time, Laodicean church age, and we have the Laodicean preachers to prove it!
ReplyDeleteThink about this...the report on giving to the CP in our state just came out. A tiny church with about 100 in attendance gave 78,000 but Al Mohler's church,Highview, in the same city which is busy taking over smaller churches to expland with over 1000 members gave a whopping 9999.00! Yes, 10 grand. Even my former SBC church with 300 members gave 73,000 to the CP!
ReplyDeleteAnd Al derives money from the CP to operate SBTS in this town. And if you look at other mega's in the SBC with celebrity pastors, you see the exact same thing.
And many of these low CP givers are on the GCR task force!
Can you say Hypocrite?
If you want to see what is going to happen to the SBC, then go read Imonks classic piece on the coming Evangelical collapse.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.internetmonk.com/archive/the-original-coming-evangelical-collapse-posts
(This is hilarious) Repent! (Just not yet).
ReplyDeleteFortuantly for the SBC, Piper has wiped Caner off the blogs with his announcment that Rick Warren is the keynote speaker for the Desiring God conference this year.
ReplyDeleteAnd so it goes in what passes for Christianity these days.
http://www.lanechaplin.com/2010/04/curious-case-of-rockstar-pastor.html
ReplyDeleteHey, just ran across this video about Ed Young, Jr. The guy in the video is sharp and asks some very astute questions.
I believe you should announce your candidacy and run as the next president of the Reformed SBC. I would suggest that you could gather several million votes and see an upsurge in evangelism by doing it the old way knocking on doors and witnessing one on one. Open transparency, no covenants to sign, no wife or son on the payroll, no vacations at the church's expense, no housing allowances and no golden parachutes. But would you want the job without all of these perks? Better get a contract.
ReplyDeleteBoy would that turn around a denomination, if someone just wanted to win souls, without all of the inducements. Additionally, no professional men on the trustee board just normal blue and white collar workers who love the Bible and who could care less about wealth or position. Also, meet in some rented space and save money by not purchasing large buildings that are idle 165 hours out of each 168 hour week. Old gospel hymns and hard hell fire and damnation preaching. You know, it might just be the start of something that needs to have been going on for the last 25 years!!! What have you to lose? You would have a great following because of your non-conforming ideals and plain common sense philosophy. Think about it. Lets see if any of your readers believe it a good idea.
This revelation gives me paws.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the next installation.
P.S. This scoop was overheard last week on campus. I take the liberty of sharing it with you:
SNOOPY: 'I also heard that Willie holds the extremely prestigious GPA and has it on his resume. . . . Nobody has ever achieved that status before in the SBC. Nobody. ' !
WOODSTOCK: "(*&&&^^%%$$###&)"
SNOOPY: 'WHAT'?
' Are you telling me that Willie DIDN'T get the Good Puppy Award after all?
You mean that credential is BOGUS?
GOOD GRIEF !
shhhhhh . . . . We've got to get that off of his site before Willie enters the running for President . . . this could embarass us, I mean 'him' big time' . . . . .
It's gonna be a full time job cleanin' up after the Willie, but he's worth it.
DOGS RULE !!!!!
!
Who will make your nomination speech?
ReplyDeleteFeel free to make recommendations here on those who should make Mehmet's nomination speech in Orlando, and any special appointments on Mehmet's cabinet.
ReplyDeleteI've been told by Mehmet that one appointment will be Steve Gaines as the "Car Czar", in charge of confiscating those "stolen cars" that he preached about, that have been bought with tithe money. Although the plan is not finalized, Gaines will offer a "give back" program where backslidden members can turn their "stolen" car into their church and receive forgiveness for their sin.
So please share your thoughts on other cabinet appointments for the GCRR platform, and I'll pass them directly to Mehmet...which incidentally he says means "Guido" in Turkish-Italian, from the Greek and Hebrew meaning for "Moose, Rocco, help the judge find his checkbook" - at least that's what Mehmet says, always one to be telling a yarn.
A.C. Soud for Minister of Obfuscation.
ReplyDeleteThe money is in the pockets of the mega preachers. Someone should be in charge of making them give it back to the churches as the members are going broke paying for these celebrity preachers. The way I look at it if the celebrity preacher's lifestyle is better than mine, I "ain't" giving them "nothin". If the preachers want to build something then let THEM pay for it. That could be THEIR donation to God's work!!! All they preach about is how to be in God's will. But, all they say that Gods will is...is give more money!!!
ReplyDeleteI nominate John Blount and Kevin King as...oh never mind.
ReplyDeleteDeborah Devore "Honey" Brunson could serve as "shopping czar" and help our ladies find the best purses and shoes in the world.
ReplyDeleteShe could also co-chair the committee on women's rights with Dorothy (that's DOCTOR) Patterson as to how women should not speak in church or have any authority over a man and how they should be submissive to their husbands and how they are not to adorn themselves with jewelry and how they should keep their heads covered. Because those Old Testament laws are still for us to follow right? Like tithing and the ten commandments are?
Off Topic:
ReplyDeleteComments are open for this post ...
Grace and Truth to You [Wade Burleson] > Experts in Islam? Is Emir Caner Complicit in Brother Ergun Caner's Embellishments?.
On Saturday, February 20, 2010, I received a call from Southern Baptist Tim Guthrie. I was at home working on a manuscript for a new book. Tim's voice seemed to convey that he was in a state of panic. He told me that Dr. Ergun Caner, President of Liberty Seminary was in serious physical jeopardy because of a blogpost written by one of my church members, Debbie Kaufman.
Off Topic:
ReplyDeleteWitnesses Unto Me > Ergun Caner, you moved to Ohio when you were 2 years old.
"Feel free to make recommendations here on those who should make Mehmet's nomination speech in Orlando, and any special appointments on Mehmet's cabinet."
ReplyDeleteErgun Caner...oops, he is not really SBC...but he was Patterson's protege' and owes his ascendance to Patterson.
But, I have it from good sources, he is much liked and protected in important SBC circles.
I believe the local ABC affiliate (WFAA Channel 8) is going to air another news report on Ed Young, Jr. tonight at 10:00 pm central time.
ReplyDeleteThat would be local Dallas affiliate WFAA channel 8.
ReplyDeleteOh dear - I thought you said "Great Resurrgence REGURGence."
ReplyDeleteHmmm... maybe that makes more sense.