So Your Daughter Married a Man of Whom You Don't Approve

Well, it happened. As much as  you thought it couldn't happen, your beloved daughter married a man that you can't stand. She had dated another man for quite a long time, and you were sure, almost 100% positive she would pick THAT guy - the "right" guy, in your eyes.

Instead, she started dating a different guy. You didn't think too much of it, you thought it was kind of funny at first, because you knew this "loser" didn't have a chance at your daughter. You didn't object too loudly, as you just knew your daughter wouldn't marry the guy you didn't approve of. She is too smart, you thought. No way. He's dreaming if he ever thinks he can win your daughter over.

After all, this guy doesn't share your values. He doesn't work as hard as you. He's not well spoken, a bit of a bumbler and stumbler with his words, and there is just something about him that makes him untrustworthy in your eyes.

He has a bit of a checkered past. He was perhaps a womanizer in the past, although now he seems much more stable and is beyond that phase.

The guy you thought would be your wife's husband was just as surprised as you! He can't believe that his long-time girlfriend picked this loser. To this day, he still hasn't come to grips with his loss. He just can't see how this could happen. He realizes now there were some areas that he just didn't pay attention to; there were some warning signs that she felt a bit abandoned and forgotten by him, but he thought he already had her heart captured and locked up.

But he was wrong.

The wedding has happened. Your daughter picked the wrong guy, you think. Although he has pledged his love and has made many promises to your daughter, you don't believe him. You think he's a fake.

But it is too late now. He is now your daughter's husband.

He is now YOUR son-in-law. He is now part of the family, and has promised to care for and protect your daughter.

So now what do you do NOW?

Well, you could never let your daughter forget that she picked the wrong man. You could at every opportunity remind your daughter what a loser he really is. You can try to find more character flaws and bring them up at every family function. You can try to persuade the other family members, day after day, that this guy is not worthy to be in your extended family, or to be the husband of your daughter.

Yes, you could do that. And you know, you might very well be successful and break up the marriage. You might be able to convince your daughter to dump him after she sees the error of her ways. Just keep pushing. Find everything wrong with him. Don't rest. Time is short. Your daughter's future is at stake; so be relentless in your pursuit to get him out of the family.

Every flaw you find, every stupid thing he does as a young husband, bring it up to your daughter and family members - make THAT the last straw.  "See!  What an idiot! Why did you marry him!!"

But is that what you should do? Do you love your daughter? Do you love your family?

Or are you just interested in getting YOUR way? Are you incapable of seeing the good in him, the potential he has? Are you so intolerant that you can't see things from your daughter's viewpoint? Can't you bring yourself to see that there IS some good in him that your daughter sees?  Perhaps if you had more respect for your daughter, you COULD understand her.

Before you keep trying to break up the marriage, stop and think. Is that what you want? Do you want your daughter to go through the turmoil and pain and loss of a divorce when you and the other family members haven't even given the guy a chance? Doesn't he AT LEAST deserve a chance to show you that he can be the husband you want for your daughter? Doesn't your daughter - the one who chose to marry him and bring him into the family - deserve the chance to show you that she picked a good guy, the RIGHT guy?

Or maybe you just have no respect for your daughter and think she's too stupid and gullible to choose correctly whom she will marry. I hope you don't feel that way. She doesn't see things quite like you do, but that doesn't mean she is incapable of discernment to choose a mate.

And what if - just WHAT IF - he actually turns out to be a good husband. What if he turns out to be much better than you expected? You know, sometimes marriage has a way of changing a man. Don't let your hatred of the man himself, cloud your ability to see the good he can be for your daughter and family. Won't you feel, well, sort of stupid, if he ends up being one of the best men in the family after he perseveres your ridicule and score?

So please. If you love your family and your daughter, stop the obsession with breaking up your daughter's marriage. If you ARE successful, I have a feeling you will regret it. The pain it will bring everyone in your family - the split it will cause in the family - will be ever so painful. And besides, if you are successful, how do you know the next guy is going to be any better?

For the sake of your family, give the guy a chance.

Please.

If you love your family - if you love your daughter - give the guy a chance.

If you love your country and fellow citizens - if you truly want what's best for us all - accept the man for who he is, faults and warts and all. Let's hope for the best.

Just give the man a chance.

Thanks.