"First Fruit" Tithing Teachers - Their Theme Song is "You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me"

The above video is the perfect "first fruits" tithing theme song for Ed Young, Perry Noble, Robert Morris, and Stovall Weems who teach the "first fruits" tithing doctrine. They teach their church members that the first 10% of their income belongs to God, that is a "holy portion", and you give it to God by giving it to their church, and in so doing you "redeem" the remaining 90% of your income. In return for your tithe, you get God to "rebuke the devourer".

But it is not just these emergent church mega pastors who have caught on to this. Even Mac Brunson of FBC Jax believes this and teaches it to his people. In Brunson's tithing sermon in October he spent 15 minutes of his sermon explaining the Old Testament book of Leviticus principle of "first fruits", characterizing God's sacrifice of giving Jesus as a "first fruits" tithe.

"God established the tithe to redeem the rest of the material world. God sent his son in the form of a servant...to redeem you, and God established in like manner the tithe to redeem the material world. He [God] says these things [first fruits] are set apart and they're holy to God, and nothing is to interfere with that."

Mac explains that the "tithe" by Christians today is a biblical principal that started at the fall of man in the garden of Eden, instituted by God to "redeem" all material things, and Jesus was God's tithe to us. Then Mac falls right in line with the teachings of Robert Morris and Perry Noble, and declares that the way you get God to bless your finances, is you fork over 10% to your church. It is releases God from his magic lamp:

"God says you set apart that first tenth, that 'first fruit', and the other 90% will be blessed, will be blessed. I'll put my hand on it. I'll watch over it."

And of course this implies that if you don't tithe, God won't watch over it. In fact in the same sermon Brunson uses Bernie Madoff as an example of what becomes of a man who has wealth but doesn't have God's blessings through the tithe (Steve Gaines, you can use this in your next "God robber" sermon). Last year Brunson declared that the tithe is something that a Christian owes to God and must give it to God (i.e. give it to his church) or if you don't, God collects on what he is owed by bringing calamity. This is not an exaggeration; click here to see it for yourself.

According to all these pastors, all you have to do in order to unlock all of God's blessings and benefits for your life is to rub God's magic tithing lamp.

Their doctrine reduces God to a magic genie who is trapped in a golden lamp waiting for you to drop 10% of your income into your nearest 501(c)3 church. When you do, you effectively rub God's magic lamp and the magic genie will appear, and he will be obligated to bless you. If you don't drop the 10% into the plate, then the genie will never appear, he will never be indebted to you, and the magic genie will be unable to protect you from an invisible "devourer" who will begin to consume and waste your money as you live under a curse. I don't think I'm exaggerating one bit - this IS their doctrine.

These preachers' tithing doctrine has much more in common with the Aladdin folk tale portrayed in this Disney video from their 1992 movie, than it does with the Bible. And apparently people are entertained by it and they find it very appealing. It appeals to the consumerism mindset that you can use your money to buy whatever you want in life - you can even secure the blessings of God. The Catholic Church taught this through their indulgences - Robert Morris has even joked about how the tithe is a great bargain, paying only 10% to get God's blessings and buying God's protection from the devourer. Morris and Ed Young even have gone so far as to offer a money-back guarantee.

Aladdin was right to be skeptical of the genie's claims at first. Only difference is that Aladdin's genie could grant him his wishes, but the "genie" sold by the modern day first fruit tithing teachers doesn't exist. God can't be bought for 10% or for any price - he gives the same love and grace to all who trust Christ. But preaching that won't help pay the mega church bills and salaries.

So enjoy the video, or just read the lyrics here.

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say

Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no

Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish
How about a little more Baklava?

Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you dude
You ain't never had a friend like me

Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip
And then make the sucker disappear?

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh

Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!