"...When He [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." Matt 9:36

"Do not rob the poor, because he is poor... for the Lord will take up their case and plunder those who plunder them." Proverbs 22:22-23

Thursday, December 24, 2009

'Twas the Sunday Before Christmas

'Twas the Sunday before Christmas
and all through God's church
"Not a churchman is tithing!"
Yelled the preacher from his perch

So the plates were all passed
down each row with great care,
In hopes that the peeps
Would put their 10% there.

The preacher told them how dare they not tithe,
Our country's safety at stake, Else God's wrath would arrive.

Mama in her new dress, and me in my tie,
I saw that plate coming, with a tear in my eye.

I took out my envelope, with my measly 9 percent
knowing I was "sinning", but had just paid my rent.

Here came the plate, I put my envelope upside down,
tried to fake a tithing smile, but wore a 9 percent frown.

Off Deacons, Off Trustees, please count all the dough
See if there is enough, for our mega preacher TV show.

The mega church preacher climbed up into his place
Said our tithe to his church, was required for grace.

He told of his trip to New York, how he was doing God's will,
and that we as God's people needed to pay for the bill.

He invited us with him, on a Holy Land Trip,
or to sail down the Danube, on a luxury ship.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he yelled, like a bowlful of jelly.

He pulled off his glasses and gave a jerk of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread;

He spoke not from the Word, and went straight to his work,
Began to tell the non-tither, how he was a jerk,

He was dressed all in finery, even cufflinks of gold,
He took out his Bible and yelled to the fold:

"Now please get out your bibles, you stupid sheep,
You're holding your tithe back, you're being way too cheap,

You owe me ten - not nine, not eight,
And we'll spend it as we please, you dare not designate."

We thought from our Bibles he would be sure to show,
How point-one times the gross, is the exact amount we owe.

But ne'er did he exegete this demand placed on us,
he just told us to fork it over, no need to discuss.

He said if we didn't agree, to "Take it up wit da book",
But he didn't tell me where, I should start to look.

The white-haired man to my left held on to his wallet
His trip to church today he was sure to regret.

"I didn't know it", whispered, the old man with sweat on his brow,
Then the preacher yelled, "HA, well you know it NOW."

I told the old man, after the show,
"Don't worry its not what you give, but rather its Who you know."

"The message this Christmas, sir, is God sent his Son,
He's after our hearts first, Not a wallet, not one."

"Baby Jesus came into the world, to show us the way,
Not to tell us what percent to the pastor we must pay."

The old man grinned, and nodded his head with a smile,
"I knew that, and I'll see you all in a little while."

"See, at Christmas time, I've blessed kids with gifts each year,
And not once did I demand a tithe in exchange for my cheer."

"I find it quite odd, these men demand cash as they do,
When God gives His love freely, to me and to you."

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

28 comments:

Former FBC Insider said...

Who is the author of this masterpiece? I didn't know you were so creative? Confess, is it you?

Merry Christmas my friend!

FBC Jax Watchdog said...

Hello FFBCI - Merry Christmas. Glad you enjoyed it.

The author is "anonymous". ;)

Russell Earl Kelly said...

Great. Bravo, Hurrah.

Can I put this on my web site?

FBC Jax Watchdog said...

Be my guest!!

Anonymous said...

This post wins the 2009 award for being the best. Too funny and description so truthful.

Merry Christmas everyone - have really enjoyed reading comments submitted this past year.

Pastor Pryme said...

Very good!

And an excellent point about God not demanding payment for "gifts". "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us".

Anonymous said...

A friend sent me this and I would love to share with everyone, but don't know how to make it "clickable". Just copy and google for a real treat!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPViKJRHyZo

Bro.Rod H. said...

Dr.Dog I wish you and your family a Very,Very Merry Christmas and a Very,Very Happy New Year!!!

Also ditto to "ALL" the bloggers both for and against W.D.blog.

Johnny D. said...

Good stuff, Cousin Tom. Merry Christmas to you! Happy New Year!

Provender said...

Merry Christmas, WD!

FBC Jax Watchdog said...

Thank you everyone...and

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

to all of you and your families.

I appreciate everyone who has contributed to the discussions on this blog, those who agree with me and those who don't. I love you all, and wish you a wonderful time with your loved ones as we celebrate the birth of our Savior!

Dr. Fill said...

Here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a healthy and prosperous new year.

Anonymous said...

Dog, How do you know the details of Pastor Brunson's trip to New York? How do you know who paid? I might ask how you happen to know all the details of the various claims that you make regarding a certain land deal? You know all of this as fact or are you making some of it up or guessing?

You say everything in this blog is based on truth.

Let's see if this gets posted.

Frank Gantz said...

You need to give it a rest.

FBC Jax Watchdog said...

Frank - you need to lighten up.

Merry Christmas!

Russell Earl Kelly said...

Speakingd for myself, I do not intend to give it a rest until error is acknowledged and Christ's body teaches a pure New Covenant doctrine without the bastardization of tithing which sucks medicine, foood and shelter out of the mouths of innocent, stupid, naive but sincere believers.

It would be a wonderful Christmas gift when the SBC or some other denomination openly refutes tithing and embraces the whole New Covenant gospel.

How many read my comments about Tim Guthrie and Kenneth Hemphill?

Anonymous said...

How many read my comments about Tim Guthrie and Kenneth Hemphill?

December 25, 2009 10:28 AM

Where are they? I would like to read them

Thy Peace said...

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to ALL of WD's Readers.

Here is Dr. Russell Earl Kelly's comment and here is Tim Guthrie's blog. Please scroll down to see the Tithing posts. But I do not see any comments by Dr. Russell Earl Kelly in there. My guess is they are not released (or being held back my Tim Guthrie).

Russell Earl Kelly said...

Several weeks ago Tim Guthrie said that he was beginning a long series on tithing and would handle all questions and comments in detail. See our Tithing-Study Group at Yahoo.



Guthrie is part of the Eklund Stewardship Foundation and the SBC Today site. He posted the same comments on both.



Friends of mine, Gary Arnold, Kevin Emerson and I posted questions and comments on his site. Guthrie encouraged us to be patient and stay tuned because he was going to answer our objections to tithing.



We all posted 2-3 times at the most before he decided not to continue his promised long sessions of answers. Worse yet, he did not post out comments and biblical arguments.



That, my friends, is how the SBC wants to face the doctrine of tithing. Their stewardship defender, Kenneth Hemphill, did the same thing after he greatly rebutted my CBS TV comments. I was not allowed to defend myself.



They are bold to pound the pulpit with lies to those who are willing to be manipulated but they will not face their accusers who know how to correct interpret God's Word.



Praise God for SBC leaders like Dr. Daniel Akin, Dr. Andreas Kostenberger and Dr. David Black at SEBTS who will stand up and be counted. And praise God for people like Dr. John MacArthur, Dr. Craig Blomberg and Dr. David Croteau who will stand up and be counted in our religious leadership.



Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All

Dr. Russell Earl Kelly

Russell Earl Kelly said...

Like Kenneth Hemphill, Tim Guthrie did not publish my comments or the other two friends who posted. Really brace scholars!!!! They know they have a house of cards and do not want anybody breathing on it with the truth.

Russell Earl Kelly said...

"Really BRAVE scholar!" is what I meant to say. All of their wall-full of degrees does not make them bold enough to answer our questions.

Anonymous said...

"That, my friends, is how the SBC wants to face the doctrine of tithing. Their stewardship defender, Kenneth Hemphill, did the same thing after he greatly rebutted my CBS TV comments. I was not allowed to defend myself."

But this is how they make their living and they are scared to death of truth. They are afraid we might do as the NT church did and help one another.

I went to read your comments and one thing I have found over and over with most pastors is that they map the Levite Priesthood to today's pastor. I simply cannot understand such ignorance from those who are supposed to be theologically educated.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Dog -

Loved the poem....especially the way Santa was worked in! It serves as a very pointed reminder of God's unmerited, free gift of grace in Christ Jesus.

I wish we would go back to the days of the bivocational pastors, similar to Paul's tentmaking trade in the NT. Paul stated he didn't want to be a burden, but today's celebrity CEO "pastors" apparently don't think twice about it.

Very sad....

Anonymous said...

5:01 PM:.... That's the problem...they are theologically educated!!! It doesn't matter what the Bible does or does not teach; it's what THEY WANT to teach. Do you think a used car salesman would ever sell a used car if he told you what was really wrong with the car? Money, boys and girls, it's all about MONEY!!!

Anonymous said...

Whats so amazing is that some of these men can actually teach tithing each and every year, and their deacon boards and underlings all believe its true gospel. Just goes to show what Abe said, you can fool some of the people most of the time.

Thank God, some of us really understand whats in our Bibles. Jesus' disciples knew what it meant in putting their foot in the world. If they did it would be hard to get their feet into the next world. They were broke and broken for the spreading of the gospel unlike most all so-called mega preachers of our day. So sad, but true.
Isn't it ironic that the first four letters of SHAME spell SHAM!

Anonymous said...

Watchdog – you know the tune…

On the first day of Christmas, the Savior gave to me…a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the second day of Christmas, the creator God gave to me…two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the third day of Christmas, the God of justice gave to me…three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Almighty gave to me…four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Lord Jesus gave to me…five golden cuff links. Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the great physician gave to me… six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the Alpha and Omega gave to me… seven bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Master gave to me… 8 kool-aid drinkers, 7 bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Wonderful Counselor gave to me… nine millionaire tithers, 8 kool-aid drinkers, 7 bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the “I Am” gave to me… ten preaching gigs with stipends, nine millionaire tithers, 8 kool-aid drinkers, 7 bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Son of God gave to me… eleven yes men trustees, 10 preaching gigs with stipends, nine millionaire tithers, 8 kool-aid drinkers, 7 bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the King of Kings gave to me… 12 months free on Amelia Island’s oceanfront, 11 yes men trustees, 10 preaching gigs with stipends, nine millionaire tithers, 8 kool-aid drinkers, 7 bad press articles in the Times-Union, six figures in my salary…five golden cuff links… Four new by-law changes, three paid international trips to do “missions”, two jobs for family and a land gift worth 300 G’s.

New BBC Open Forum said...

Anonymous 7:38,

Bravo!

Your poem too, WD!

Bro.Rod H. said...

Anon December 26, 2009 7:38 PM That was a classic,I'm still laughing!

You and Dr.Dog are absolutely brillant poets!

Love the humor it brings in spite of the gravity of the situations in our Churches today!!!

Thanks!