2 Samuel 16:9,11 - "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head...let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him."

Matthew 7:15 - “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

Matthew 24:11 - “…and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.”

Thursday, October 19, 2017

SWBTS Announces New Doctoral Program in the "Garrison Keillor School of Story Telling" for Aspiring Megachurch Pastors

Fort Worth, TX (WD) - Paige Patterson, president of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, announced the formation of a new PhD program for aspiring megachurch pastors, called the PhD of Master Storytelling (PhD MST). The program will be administered in the brand new "Garrison Keillor School of Storytelling" at SWBTS.

According to Patterson, this is a first of its kind program geared toward the specific needs of megachurch pastors. "For far too long our SBC megachurch pastors have had to learn the ropes on the fly, when they land their first six-figure gig at a megachurch," said Patterson. "This program will prepare megachurch pastors for the rigor of master storytelling as
their ministry success will depend on their ability to spin a yarn and consistently and masterfully generate emotional responses in the pews."

The new school will provide several different tracks for candidates pursuing their PhD MST including primary story-telling genres of history, comedy, sarcasm/stomping, and Aesop's Fables.

"Megachurch pastors have to be skilled orators but also need training geared specifically to their pastoral duties within a modern megachurch environment," said Patterson. According to Patterson the new Ph.D. program will include classes on nepotism, personal brand-building, sermon recycling for honorarium, church consultant utilization, and Holy Land trip administration. 

Patterson said the wives of PhD MST candidates will also have an opportunity earn an Occupational Associates Certificate in Megachurch Wivery (AMW). The courses in the AMW certificate program are not yet finalized, but Patterson said they will likely include salary negotiation as well as strategies to secure personal gifts from wealthy church donors.

Watchdog Press has learned the faculty of the school will be mostly adjunct visiting professors and will include Ergun Mehemet Giovani Caner, Darrell Gilyard, Perry Noble, Maurilio Amorim, David Barton, and Wilford Brimley.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

From some of the awful storytelling I've heard from mega church pastors, having a Garrison Keillor School of Storytelling wouldn't be that bad of a thing.

Anonymous said...

BabyBee could learn a lesson or two on good satire from this.