In all the hullabaloo on April 1st, I feel somewhat slighted that events overshadowed my excellent April Fool's spoof post, so I am re-posting it again today. However, in the interest of full disclosure, my spoof is not as cutting edge as I originally thought, as commenter "Mark" pointed out that there actually IS such a Bible here sold at Amazon; although it is on the topic of "stewardship" and not specifically storehouse tithing - but the groundwork has been laid for a follow-up Bible version on tithing!
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The translation is called the "Revised Storehouse Tithing Bible", or RSTB for short.
"We have sought input from some of the best fundraising pastors in modern evangelicalism to provide this valuable resource to pastors as they teach the sheep the absolute necessity of forking over a minimum of 10% to their local church", said a Lifeway spokesman.
Contributors to the RSTB include Steve Gaines, Ed Young, Frank Page, and also John Hagee. Robert Morris, best-selling author of The Blessed Life and storehouse tithing teacher, was the editor of the project.
"Tapestry of Green" on Every Page of the Bible
Lifeway says the RSTB will help church members see that tithing really is a common theme found throughout the Bible.
"Just as the tapestry of red, Christ's redemption, is found throughout scripture pointing us to Jesus Christ, so on every page of the Bible we find the first-fruits storehouse tithing principle, the blessed 'tapestry of green', that points Christians to securing God's blessings and avoiding God's curses through giving the first 10% of our income", said one of the RSTB editors.
The RSTB has several unique features: it is color coded - verses having to do with storehouse tithing are highlighted in bright money-green. Also, unique tithing icons are used throughout, such as those highlighted verses that refer to Christians getting blessings for their tithe are marked in the margin with "$" symbols, while those that speak of God's curses for not tithing are marked with either an icon of a purse with holes in it or a devil's pitchfork.
To help Christians fully understand how important it is to tithe to avoid the wrath of God, the RSTB includes modern-day translations of verses dealing with first-fruits tithing principles that have been uncovered in scripture by the today's evangelical tithing experts.
For instance, when Jesus preached in the Sermon on the Mount:
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt 6:33, KJV)
has been translated with the help of Perry Noble to read:
"Tithe ye first to your storehouse, and money, clothes, and food shall be delivered unto you." (Matt 6:33, RSTB)
Another great example of interpreting Jesus' words in the context of modern day storehouse tithing doctrines, is Matthew 23:23:
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former." (Matt 23:23, NIV)
which has been shortened through translation, with the help of Frank Page, to read:
"Woe to you, you non-tithing Christians, you hypocrites! I've paid for your sins and delivered you from hell, now PONY UP!!!" (Matt 23:23, RSTB)
Steve Gaines has been on the forefront of the storehouse tithing interpretation in the New Testament, and helped correctly interpret the Acts 5 account of Ananias and Sapphira. Some of the translated verses include:
"But a certain man, named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession and did not tithe on it....and Peter said 'Why hast thou conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lived in a stolen house and driven a stolen car belonging to men, but thou hast sent thou offspring to school with the tithe belonging to God.'....and Ananias, hearing these words, and Sapphira with her stolen jewelry, fell down and gave up the ghost and the tithe." (Acts 5:1-5, RSTB)
Old Testament verses have been interpreted to aid Christians in seeing that the modern day church is the temple, and that their pastors are the modern day equivalent to the Old Testament priests.
For instance:
"A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the LORD; it is holy to the LORD." (Lev 27:30, NIV)
is translated as:
"A tithe of everything in your paycheck, whether it be your salary from work, or the hourly pay at your second job, belongs to the church, it is holy to the church." (Lev 27:30, RSTB)
Lifeway acknowledges that the RSTB will have its critics, but that these are mostly recalcitrant bloggers who don't tithe anyways.
One such critic, FBC Jax Watchdog, says he offered the RSTB translation team a helpful modern day translation of Malachi 3, saying that it is the most misused verse in the bible on storehouse tithing.
"They weren't too interested in receiving a modern-day translation of Malachi 3 that reflects how God would apply it today to the church", said the Watchdog. "You see, what the storehouse tithing preachers don't want you to know is that the book of Malachi was directed at priests of Israel and the sons of Levi. So in Malachi 3 God is upset that the priests, not the people, are misusing the tithe and thus robbing God."
The editors instead went with the Perry Noble translation of Malachi 3:10:
"Fork ye over all the tithes to the church, that there may be large budgets in mine house, and prove Pastor now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the bank account of heaven, and pour you out money to pay your bills, so much that there shall not be room enough to store it and thus you'll have to give even more to the church." (Mal 3:10, RSTB)
16 comments:
Please leave the satire to someone that is good at it.
This is close to blasphemy.
So what's next this week...making fun of the Cross? Laughing about the resurrection?
It is so sad that a man that once really had a good heart has allowed the Evil One to grab that heart and pollute it.
God have mercy....
You're as obsessed with your position on tithing as those you criticize. You too are an extremist. It's comical. Ever considered that maybe the middle ground is where you should be rather than being so reactionary.
Congratulations!
The TROLL is first to post again.
Now back to your basement until Tom writes something else. Don't forget the Cheetos.
I think the troll has struck again.
Ahhhh!!! The trolls are out in force today.
WD is opposed to preachers preaching that the tithe is a mandate for a New Testament Christian. He is right on that. And these preachers are straining at gnats and swallowing camels to get their people to believe that tithing a salary or investment earning is a biblical mandate, which it is not. That means that those preachers are in the pulpit LYING, cause they know better that what they preach.
Now tithing as a guideline is fine and many churches teach and preach that. And a lot of us practice it. But we recognize that it is not a mandate but a matter of conscience and call.
This is as much a chuckle on April 05 as it was on April Fools' Day, WD.
Good thing you wrote at the top it was a spoof or else this could be a perfect example of Poe's Law!
KarenM in NC
Anonymous said...
"This is close to blasphemy."
Are you speaking personally for god or yourself? (a judge?)
WOW
So has anyone personally heard from god recently (except for those fuzzy inner feelings? or flipping thru the book and find a "word" for yourself?)
No, I didn't think so....
"It is so sad that a man that once really had a good heart has allowed the Evil One to grab that heart and pollute it."
Here we go again,
the devil made em do it.
As someone who talks to believers about their giving VERY often, I can attest that Watchdog is doing a great service by pointing out the modern day "church's" obsession with tithing.
Many I talk to have completely lost the heart of generosity, and view the tithe as a bill. In other words, as long as I give God His 10%, I can spend the rest of the 90% the way I want to. This is legalism at its worst.
When we came to Christ we gave Him ALL of us. That means that every dollar we spend will be used in glorifying Him. That doesn't mean that every dollar goes to "charitable giving." It means that we will use resources as an expression of our heart and our lives will reflect the generosity bestowed on us by Christ My guess (and my opinion) is that unless you have been brainwashed, few of those resources will go to money-grubbing pastors of megachurches.
How about starting to view yourself as a missionary in your current context and using resources to love and care for those around you. Let those resources be the bridge to share with them the hope that is within you.
Keep up the good work, Watch Dog!
Anon 10:10
Actually I'm glad you consider this post "close to blasphemy".
Because if this is "close" to it, then surely pastors who claim to speak for God and are NOT using satire dare to say that God demands 10% of their income based on OT law that has no application to the Christian, then THAT surely IS blasphemy.
I do understand: to use satire to ridicule a false teaching is compared to making fun of the cross and resurrection. Don't you see the irony in that?
I can't find this bible anywhere online, only referred to on this site. Did it get pulled from Lifeway? I can't find no trace on their site?
"When we came to Christ we gave Him ALL of us. That means that every dollar we spend will be used in glorifying Him."
Good point.
Unfortunately, most of the storehouse tithe preachers have a conflict of interest since a large portion of the tithe is given to them in their paycheck.
Unfortunately, most of the storehouse tithe supporters from the congregation are either ignorant of how the tithe was administered in the OT, ignorant of how giving is taught in the NT, or are the holier than thou type.
They think they are better than everyone else even though their 10% is less than 1/2 of what was given in OT times.
It's a dangerous belief system.
...and they don't know how much the pastoral staff is paid from the tithe fund!!! even though IRS rules require disclosure to the donors!
I would love for someone to write a book on balanced giving based on the perspective of making a salary that is not in line with those who seem to make well over what most of us could ever conceive to make and yet endorse giving, giving, giving.
I dont undertand those who say everything we make is God's anyway but, you have to give Him at least 10 percent. The rest of the 90% is still His.
Those that advocate giving, and I am not saying we should not, at the level taught, are not the normal person trying to provide for their family's needs. How many of us can take vacations and buy the latest iPad, vehicle, take our children to a concert etc.?
Look I am again not saying we shouldn't give but we are feeling guilty, ashamed, inadequate as a Christian. What happened to the price Jesus paid in His blood for our redemption? You certainly cannot, in fact it is impossible, to put a price on that.
And now a word from Pat Robertson:
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/pat-robertson-man-tithe-you-are-the-boss
Thank you Anon 9:29, post just went up on Robertson's comments.
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