Staying Relevant in Your Adult Kid's Lives: A Mother's Day Tribute!

One thing I’ve learned as I head into my 60s is this: if you’re in your older years, nearing retirement perhaps, and you want to stay relevant in your kids’ and grandkids' lives—you’re going to have to work for it. Being relevant in your own family doesn’t just happen. You don’t get grandfathered in. It takes intention. It takes showing up. And it takes a certain humility to keep adapting as your role in the family changes.

That’s something I’ve always admired about my mother. Now in her 80s, she’s still an incredibly relevant person in my life day to day. And that’s not an accident—it’s the result of her commitment to staying connected to all of us. After my dad passed earlier this year, that connection feels more important than ever.

She didn’t just sit back and hope she’d stay in our orbit. She lived it. She stayed nearby. Gainesville, then St. Augustine for almost 20 years, and now—finally—15 minutes down the road in Jacksonville. Closer than ever. We see her weekly, not out of obligation, but because we want to. She’s still part of the fabric of our lives. And she made sure of that.

It’s easy to imagine these kinds of long-term relationships “just happening”—but they don’t. They require a level of personal investment that few people are willing to make. Life has a way of drifting people apart. But not my mom. She planted herself close, literally and emotionally. She built relationships with my kids. Now she has real, meaningful connections with her great-grandkids. That’s what I want for myself in my older years—to stay relevant, stay connected, and still matter in the lives of my family.

Of course we all know, the role of a parent doesn’t end—it just changes. And if you don’t learn to grow with it, you risk becoming background noise in your own family. You can’t parent 30-year-olds the way you parented 13-year-olds. But you can still guide. You can still encourage. You can still influence—if you’re willing to let go of control and lean into connection. The most impactful parents I know in their older years are the ones who’ve learned to become wise friends, not constant critics. They don’t smother, but they don’t disappear either. They listen more. They support and encourage more. They adapt to technology to stay connected. And when they speak truth, it lands—because it comes from love, not control.

And let’s not sanitize this story with flowers and inspirational quotes. My mom was tough. She was a disciplinarian, and we knew not to cross her. There was just the right amount of fear in our house. Say “God darn it”? Get your mouth washed out with Coast soap. Test the boundaries too far? The belt was an option - actually the belt was dad, maybe for my mom it was the hair brush as I recall. But I never questioned her love for us. Her discipline shaped me—and honestly, it’s something too many families have lost.

I also learned from her how to evolve. How to go from being a parent to being a friend. All three of my kids are now in their 30s, and we have that kind of relationship now—where we can joke, laugh, and just enjoy each other’s company. We enjoy traveling together. I learned that from watching my mom. She never stopped being present. Never stopped cheering us on. Never lost that balance between telling you the truth and still being in your corner.

She’s a Midwesterner—raised in Coldwater, Michigan—and you can tell. Down-to-earth. No-nonsense. Full of common sense and not afraid to speak her mind. That came from her parents, and she passed it down to us. That’s the kind of grit and honesty I value most in people. She always managed to speak the truth, but with love. She walked that tightrope between encourager and truth-teller, and she did it masterfully—with us, with our spouses, and with the grandkids.

My mom has always made herself the kind of person people want to be around. And now, in her later years, she’s reaping the benefits of that. She’s surrounded by family, by people who love and respect her, who enjoy her company—not because they have to, but because she’s still relevant. She still matters.

So thank you, Mom. For raising me right. For not pulling punches. For loving us well, and showing us what it really means to live a life that stays connected—across decades, across generations. You taught us that meaning isn’t found in distance or retirement or checking out. It’s found in living life together.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother's Day to the Matriarchs!

I've written several Mother's Day articles over the years as the Watchdog. This one is about what makes a mother into a matriarch of her family. This is a tribute to the Christian matriarchs of their families.

But this is a post about what I consider the real Christian matriarchs, the ones who have lived through the collapse of a fundamentalist fantasy, have the scars to prove it, and still lead their families with grit, grace, and an unsentimental grasp on reality. They’ve held on to their faith, but unlike many still trapped between rigid fundamentalism and real-world logic, they can tell the difference between genuine spirituality and religious nonsense.

Let’s start here: a matriarch isn’t a title a woman gets for enduring menopause or hitting grandma status. They've earned it. And my wife—though she never campaigned for the role—has become the matriarch of our family and our extended family. Not by throwing around Bible verses or acting holier-than-thou or living in a spiritual fantasy world like so many others, but by being a Christian woman grounded in deep faith in God but also grounded in cold hard truth.

See, as I said at the start, real Christian matriarchs live in reality. Not in a fantasy where you raise your kids in church, ship them off to youth camp, make sure they have their “quiet time,” and then magically they grow up into mini-me fundamentalists. That formula doesn't work, as we and almost all of our friends with whom we went to church in Gainesville and Jacksonville have found out. It never really worked. And the women who’ve ascended to true matriarch status are the ones who had the strength to accept this reality—and didn’t lose their minds or their faith when it all went off-script.

My wife has watched kids in our family and extended family grow up and chart different spiritual paths. None turned out exactly like the FBC Jax formula predicted. But she never let that undo her. I’ve seen women paralyzed with guilt and grief and even fear, because their kids didn’t turn out as zealous as the FBC Jax youth pastor might have predicted. For some it wrecked their joy, strained their marriages, and turned them into walking testimonies of religious anxiety. But not my wife. She knows real faith is a relationship with Jesus—not a checklist of doctrinal loyalty and not in measuring her kids by a fundamentalist checklist.  And she’s at peace with where her kids are in their own spiritual journey. That’s what real matriarchs do: they stay steady when the script changes.

Now, here’s something else about a real matriarch: she doesn’t confuse religious mania for spiritual maturity. She’s not dazzled by the seemingly most spiritual person who claims they “feel led” every time they make a terrible life decision. She doesn’t fall for the pious performances of those around her. In fact, she knows when someone is slapping a Bible verse on top of selfishness and calling it righteousness. She knows the difference between a mental health issue and what others like to dress up as “spiritual maturity.” And here’s the kicker—she’s not afraid to say it out loud. Even when friends and family whisper that she’s “less spiritual” for refusing to play along with the latest bout of holy-sounding nonsense, she’s unfazed. She sleeps just fine without the approval of the pious. In fact, she laughs now—at the fundamentalist craziness we used to swallow whole, and at the things the hyper-spiritual crowd still treat as untouchable and sacred.

And let’s be clear: a matriarch does not coddle nonsense in her family. She doesn’t get bullied by her adult kids, and she doesn’t pretend her screw-up son is “just struggling” when he’s actually burning his life and others' lives to the ground. A matriarch sees reality, calls it out, and sets boundaries for herself and her husband. She’s got the backbone to say, “I love you, but I won’t enable you.” She knows the difference between love and enabling, unlike so many Christians we've seen recently who think tolerating bad behavior is somehow Christlike and loving. I know "tough love" is cliche', but it is sorely needed these days, and a matriarch will deliver it when needed.

A true matriarch also knows how to work and is not afraid of work. My wife has worked in a Christian preschool for over 20 years—not full-time, but still serving faithfully every year. Year after year, she’s poured into kids and families, often serving as a Spanish translator for immigrant families desperate for someone to help them navigate a new system. She’s never made a big deal about it, but her quiet, consistent love changed lives. That’s work. That’s ministry. That’s what a matriarch does—she doesn’t sit back waiting for the family to worship her but she puts her hands to something meaningful and gets the job done.

And now, as she steps into what others might call retirement, she’s doing the exact opposite of retiring. She’s doubling down—pouring herself into her grandkids, providing friendship and support to her children, and caring for aging parents and others close to her who need her help. She's not unplugging from life and taking a sabbatical. She's leaning in. She's becoming even more essential to those she loves. That’s what a matriarch does. She multiplies her impact when others would be shrinking it.

So this Mother’s Day, save the frilly tributes. If you know a woman like my wife, tell her thank you. She didn’t become the matriarch by asking for it. She became one by showing up, speaking truth, and never letting religious nonsense rob her of her mind—or her family.

And Lord knows our families and this world need more women like that.

BREAKING: Bikini Bottom Elects New Pope — All Hail Pope Bob SquarePants

In a historic turn of events deep beneath the sea - with white spoke emanating from the Krusty Krab - the humble underwater town of Bikini Bottom has announced the appointment of its newest spiritual leader: none other than the absorbent, yellow, and newly-anointed Pope Bob SquarePants.

Yes, it’s official. After a chaotic and soggy conclave convened at the Krusty Krab—redecorated with seashell banners and jellyfish incense—the fishy faithful have reached a consensus. It wasn’t easy. In true Bikini Bottom fashion, the process was as bizarre as it was unholy.

The Sea-nod of the Century

The papal selection, dubbed The Great Coral Conclave, was officiated by none other than Patrick Star. The pink theologian, who once confused a jellyfish for the Holy Spirit, donned his ceremonial swim trunks and led the congregation in an extended debate filled with bubble chants, kelp communion, and several breaks for snack time.

The nomination of SpongeBob was first floated by Sandy Cheeks, who praised his “unshakable optimism,” “infinite grace under pressure,” and most importantly, his “complete inability to hold a grudge, even against Plankton.” But not everyone was immediately on board.

Enter: Cardinal Squidward

Squidward Tentacles, playing the role of chief theologian of bitter realism, protested the idea on artistic grounds, claiming, “SpongeBob lacks the gravitas required for papal responsibility. And besides, he still can’t make a decent clarinet solo.” For hours, he filibustered with monologues about “institutional dignity” and “the sacredness of silence.”

But, alas, the fishy flock needed a leader. One who would unify the town, bless the patties, and lead Bikini Bottom through troubling times—like the upcoming annual Sea Bear migration or Mr. Krabs' next price hike.

After a heartfelt speech by Gary the Snail (translated by Sandy), and a surprise musical interlude led by Pearl and the Undersea Gospel Choir, Squidward reluctantly gave his blessing. “Fine,” he said. “But only if I get to redesign the papal vestments.”

The First Decrees of Pope Bob Squarepants

Upon his official coronation—marked by a jellyfish landing on his head and refusing to leave—Pope Bob SquarePants issued his first ex cathedra pronouncements:

1. Thou shalt not eat the Krabby Patty Secret Formula without tithing a pickle.

2. Mandatory weekly confessions at Goo Lagoon, followed by beach volleyball.

3. A new sacred holiday: Opposite Day Eve, to be celebrated with underwater Gregorian yodeling.

4. All dirty bubbles are now considered heretical and subject to exorcism.

Sources say SpongeBob wept spongey tears of joy, proclaiming, “I’m ready… to lead the people of Bikini Bottom in love, service, and perfectly symmetrical jellyfish nets!”

What’s Next for Bikini Bottom?

Pope Bob is expected to move into the recently blessed Vaticoral Palace, just next door to his pineapple. Meanwhile, Plankton has already launched an alternative denomination, “The First Reformed Chum-Believers,” with Karen as his high priestess. It's unclear how successful it will be, given the smell.

The citizens of Bikini Bottom seem cautiously optimistic. Even Mr. Krabs, who initially opposed the election on the grounds that “popes don’t pay taxes,” has since come around—once Pope Bob promised indulgences in the form of buy-one-get-one-free Krabby Patties.

As Pope Bob SquarePants raises his spatula-turned-scepter and blesses his aquatic congregation, one thing is clear: the Church of the Holy Bubble has never been in better (or weirder) hands.

Amen!

Watchdog is Back...Got a Few Things to Share!

Well, look who’s back. That’s right—after a long sabbatical filled with thinking, observing, reflecting (and biting my tongue more times than I care to admit), the Watchdog is logging back in. I’ve been out of the game for a while, but I’ve never stopped watching. And more importantly, I’ve never stopped thinking. About what it means to leave the baggage of fundamentalism without abandoning the basics of Christianity. About what it looks like to be a common-sense Christian in a world where the loudest voices are often the most toxic. I’ve got stories. I’ve got scars. I’ve seen things—some ugly, some inspiring, and all of it worth unpacking.

But here’s the twist—and it might shock a few of you—I’m not just here to torch the usual suspects. Sure, there might be a few well-deserved snark aimed at the pulpit showmen and their latest tithing gimmicks, but I’ve also seen some surprisingly good stuff out there. Believe it or not, there are a few pastors I want to lift up. Some who are doing it right and have seemingly learned from the previous generation of showman that I've highlighted on this blog. A couple of them even run those dreaded megachurches—and no, I’m not joking. 

So if you’re expecting nothing but fire and brimstone aimed at every preacher with a fog machine or a megachurch, you might be disappointed. The Watchdog is back, but this time, he’s also got a few biscuits to hand out. Weekly posts start now. I'll be sure to make a few of you mad on all sides of modern Christianity, I'm sure.