Bob Barker: "Johnny Donovan, please tell us who our next three contestants are, please!!!"
Johnny Donovan: "Sure thing....well, Bob, the following are our contestants for the next FBC Jax Price is Right Showcase:
Peter Paigerson, President of the Northeastern Seminary.....COME ON DOWN!!!!
Al Incisor, President of Deep Southern Seminary....COME ON DOWN!!!!
Thim Clouder, President of the Give Life Publishing company...COME ON DOWN!!! "
[applause as contests run down to the front]
Bob Barker: "Hello gentlemen! Thank you for joining us, here are the next three items up for bid on the FBC Jax, Inc. Price is Right Showcase....Johnny, tell these men what they can buy today!!!"
"Advertising your Christian agency on all the Bottled Water given to attendees at the 2010 FBC Jax, Inc. 2010 Pastor's Conference!!!! "
[Gasps, then Applause!!!]
Johnny D (continues): "Yes, gentlemen, the bidding will start at $1000 - you can take the marketing of your Christian organization to new heights by getting your name out on all bottles of water at the conference. What better way to say "We love Jesus and Jesus LOVES our organization!" than by giving a cup of cold water...but not in Jesus name but IN YOUR AGENCY'S NAME...to those thirsty pastor's and pastor's wives at the 2010 FBC Jax, Inc. Pastor's Conference. Worried your donors will be flabbergasted at paying large advertising fees to a church? Not a problem, our church marketing experts have researched this, and are convinced your donors will be so proud you have spent their donations on such a worthy cause...as the FBC Jax, Inc. Pastor's Conference and quenching the thirst of the those pastors sweating in the Florida sunshine!! "
Johnny D (continues): "And gentlemen, don't forget....wasn't it Jesus who said whoever gives a cup of cold water is truly blessed? How much bigger will the blessings be when your agency gives a big gulp of H2O to the portly pastors and their heavy helpmates? You can put your faith into action by giving out not just a measley 4 oz. cup of cold water in a breakable cup like Jesus did, but a whole 16 ounces in one beautiful, clear, non-breakable (and recyclable!) plastic bottle! "
Johnny D (continues): "As a bonus, you will get the assistance of the FBC Jax sales and church marketing team to help you design your logo for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!".....And you can get this thirst-quenching indulgence, Gentlemen, if the PRICE IS RIGHT!! "
Bob Barker: "Wow, thank you, Johnny. Gentlemen, your bids please: "
Al Incisor: "I'll say a thousand dollars, Bob....fifteen hundred if I can keep my speaking slot for 2011 Pastor's Conference."
Peter Paigerson: "I'll bid a thousand dollars, Bob, if I can get the "silver promotions package" for my agency at $5000 instead of $7000, and the water will be handed out at all meals in the dining room as my agency's promotional video is displayed on the TVs."
Thim Clouder: "Well, I'll go for $1500, Bob, if I can get my agency's name on the water, AND if Brother Mac will at least 4 times mention my organization from the pulpit and display one of of our ads on the giant hi-def image screens in the Main Auditorium Monday and Tuesday night."
Bob Barker: "Thank you gentlemen! The next item up for bid....Johnny Donovan, please tell us!"
Johnny D: "Well, Bob, the next item up for bid is:
"The privilege of having your organization's name imprinted on on all pens handed out at the 2010 FBC Jax, Inc. Pastor's Conference!"
[LAUGHTER, then APPLAUSE]
Johnny D (continues): "Yes, you can have your Christian agency's name imprinted on these lovely, hand-crafted pens that will be given to each paying pastor and paying pastor's wife during the conference in their conference bag.
Johnny D (continues): "Bob, back to you!"
Bob: "Thanks, Johnny! Well, gentlemen, this is a tough one, how will you put a price on THIS wonderful opportunity? We'll start with you, Al:"
Peter Paigerson: "I'll go for $750 bucks, Bob...but need an upgrade to the suite at the Omni during my stay...and a dinner at the Chart House with Maurilio during Jerry Vines' sermon this year...[Peter chuckles]."
Thim Clouder: "I'll wager $1000 of my agency's money for this one, Bob, if Maurilio can promise that the pens will be used by each of the pastor's in the foyer who are signing their books, and by Brother Mac as he signs the seminary students' bibles during his office suite tour. And I'll sign up for bottled water next year if Trey will put me in a prime-time PC 2011 speaking slot."
Peter Paigerson: "Hey, Thim, still selling copies of that devilish book 'The Shack' in your stores? Heh, heh..."
Johnny D: Well, Bob, this last item is sure to "bag" the attention of the PC 2010 attendees:
"The privilege of having your agency logo imprinted on the canvas bag containing all conference materials."
Johnny D (continues): "Attendees will receive your canvas bag (with your logo) at check-in filled with all the conference materials. Attendees usually carry these bags around the entire conference, keeping your name before everyone the entire time. After the conference, your bag is a reminder that goes home with them. " [direct quote from PC2010 website]. You all know how tiring it can be for these pastors to lug around the books they've purchased from the conference speakers and the CD's purchased from the singers that their church will be paying for when they expense it all...and your bag will be a reminder to these pastors of your organization's generosity in helping them maintain their strength for the trip home and next Sunday's sermon.
Bob: Thanks Johnny! Gentlemen, your bids please! Bids must start at $2000.
Peter Paigerson: Well, Bob, I will go for the full $2000, if we can bring in Jim "Jesus" Caviezel in like you did in 2007, and have him endorse my seminary as the most favored one in the convention...and he must do it in his Jesus outfit, of course! [Peter chuckles].
Al Incisor: I'll go for $2000, Bob, if I can get an extra power strip and two badges for our display table.
Thim Clouder: "I like the Jim "Jesus" Caviezel idea - I'll go for $3000 for the bag, along with a Jim "Jesus" Caviezel endorsement of our new product line in the Sunday morning conference service, and a banner display in the 'Snack Area'. "
Bob: "Thank you gentlemen for your bids. And the winners are.....well.....we will have to have our promotions firm Conexus get with each of you later to put the finishing touches on the bids and negotiate the "winners". Johnny, back to you!"
Johnny D: Thanks, Bob, and thanks to our contestants for this special edition of "The Price is Right! We'll see everyone next year!!!"