Yes, Newt Gingrich, the philandering Catholic-who-at-least-is-not-a-Morman, is coming to the FBC Jax Pastor's Conference tomorrow!
On Newt Gingrich's website tonight, his schedule shows a stop at the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, Sunday January 29th from 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm.
This weekend is the First Baptist Jacksonville Pastor's Conference, so Newt has an opportunity to see all the Southern Baptist pastors who have gathered there this weekend.
A few very important recommendations for Newt and his campaign staff when he visits First Baptist Jacksonville tomorrow:
- don't mention that you've converted to Catholicism and that you're seeking annulments of your prior marriages. The peeps at FBC Jax have been taught that the Catholic church is a "cult", as one of their preachers has said on multiple occasions. Don't make any references to your priest, as priests are "cult leaders" according to former FBC Jax preacher Jim Smyrl, and you wouldn't want to be associated with cult leaders.
- if you speak to the assembled at FBC Jax, don't let your wife say anything. Women speaking anything of substance on the platform at FBC Jax is frowned upon, especially to all of the "men of God" that will be assembled there.
- characterize the criticism from Romney as "being under attack from Satan" for doing the will of God, and that the attacks by the media are how you know you're doing God's will. The pastors can really relate to that line of thinking about criticism!
- refer to the preachers as "the men of God". They really dig that. And try to mention that you "tithe", that will earn you some points with the faithful for sure.
- when you refer to Obama, say you're going to "shut him down" in November!!
- tell everyone you don't know who your running mate is going to be, but that it rhymes with "buckabee", and you'll get a standing ovation.
- if you want to hit a home run and nail down Duval County on Tuesday, tell the good people of FBC Jax that our economic recession is due to God's judgment for all of the non-tithing Christians. They will GO NUTS!!
- if you get cold feet about FBC Jax, do NOT switch the venue to Trinity Baptist at the last minute! Google "Bob Gray and Tom Messer" and you'll see what I mean.
Most importantly, above all else, if Mac Brunson calls you to the front, and asks you and your wife to kneel at the altar so he can pray for you, run for the exits. That didn't work out so well the last time Mac tried to lay hands on a politician the Sunday before an election. Ask Mike Hogan, pictured below.
And just kidding, Newt. The Watchdog will vote for you over Obama any day. :)