2 Samuel 16:9,11 - "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head...let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord hath bidden him."

Matthew 7:15 - “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

Matthew 24:11 - “…and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.”

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Lifeway Introduces New Storehouse Tithing Bible Translation - the RSTB

Today Lifeway is introducing a new bible translation to help preachers and churchmen teach the important first-fruits storehouse tithing doctrine to their church members.

The translation is called the "Revised Storehouse Tithing Bible", or RSTB for short.

"We have sought input from some of the best fundraising pastors in modern evangelicalism to provide this valuable resource to pastors as they teach the sheep the absolute necessity of forking over a minimum of 10% to their local church", said a Lifeway spokesman.

Contributors to the RSTB include Steve Gaines, Ed Young, Frank Page, and also John Hagee. Robert Morris, best-selling author of The Blessed Life and storehouse tithing teacher, was the editor of the project.

"Tapestry of Green" on Every Page of the Bible

Lifeway says the RSTB will help church members see that tithing really is a common theme found throughout the Bible.

"Just as the tapestry of red, Christ's redemption, is found throughout scripture pointing us to Jesus Christ, so on every page of the Bible we find the first-fruits storehouse tithing principle, the blessed 'tapestry of green', that points Christians to securing God's blessings and avoiding God's curses through giving the first 10% of our income", said one of the RSTB editors.

The RSTB has several unique features: it is color coded - verses having to do with storehouse tithing are highlighted in bright money-green. Also, unique tithing icons are used throughout, such as those highlighted verses that refer to Christians getting blessings for their tithe are marked in the margin with "$" symbols, while those that speak of God's curses for not tithing are marked with either an icon of a purse with holes in it or a devil's pitchfork.

To help Christians fully understand how important it is to tithe to avoid the wrath of God, the RSTB includes modern-day translations of verses dealing with first-fruits tithing principles that have been uncovered in scripture by the today's evangelical tithing experts.

For instance, when Jesus preached in the Sermon on the Mount:

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt 6:33, KJV)

has been translated with the help of Perry Noble to read:

"Tithe ye first to your storehouse, and money, clothes, and food shall be delivered unto you." (Matt 6:33, RSTB)

Another great example of interpreting Jesus' words in the context of modern day storehouse tithing doctrines, is Matthew 23:23:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former." (Matt 23:23, NIV)

which has been shortened through translation, with the help of Frank Page, to read:

"Woe to you, you non-tithing Christians, you hypocrites! I've paid for your sins and delivered you from hell, now PONY UP!!!" (Matt 23:23, RSTB)

Steve Gaines has been on the forefront of the storehouse tithing interpretation in the New Testament, and helped correctly interpret the Acts 5 account of Ananias and Sapphira. Some of the translated verses include:

"But a certain man, named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession and did not tithe on it....and Peter said 'Why hast thou conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lived in a stolen house and driven a stolen car belonging to men, but thou hast sent thou offspring to school with the tithe belonging to God.'....and Ananias, hearing these words, and Sapphira with her stolen jewelry, fell down and gave up the ghost and the tithe." (Acts 5:1-5, RSTB)

Old Testament verses have been interpreted to aid Christians in seeing that the modern day church is the temple, and that their pastors are the modern day equivalent to the Old Testament priests.

For instance:

"A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the LORD; it is holy to the LORD." (Lev 27:30, NIV)

is translated as:

"A tithe of everything in your paycheck, whether it be your salary from work, or the hourly pay at your second job; even your welfare or social security checks, - they all belong to the church, it is holy to the church." (Lev 27:30, RSTB)

Lifeway acknowledges that the RSTB will have its critics, but that these are mostly recalcitrant bloggers who don't tithe anyways.

One such critic, FBC Jax Watchdog, says he offered the RSTB translation team a helpful modern day translation of Malachi 3, saying that it is the most misused verse in the bible on storehouse tithing.

"They weren't too interested in receiving a modern-day translation of Malachi 3 that reflects how God would apply it today to the church", said the Watchdog. "You see, what the storehouse tithing preachers don't want you to know is that the book of Malachi was directed at priests of Israel and the sons of Levi. So in Malachi 3 God is upset that the priests, not the people, are misusing the tithe and thus robbing God."

The editors instead went with the Perry Noble translation of Malachi 3:10:

"Fork ye over all the tithes to the church, that there may be large budgets in mine house, and prove Pastor now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the bank account of heaven, and pour you out money to pay your bills, so much that there shall not be room enough to store it and thus you'll have to give even more to the church." (Mal 3:10, RSTB)


Anonymous said...

The funny thing is that I thought this was a real story (after reading the headline) until I remembered what day it was.

I wonder if the Bible includes a tear-away form so you can write down your bank account number and send it in to your local 501(c)(3).

Jennifer McSparin said...

This project has been a long time coming. Now SBC megachurch pastors will have the perfect translation to thump over the heads of congregants and help finance their next Lear jet.

Anonymous said...

Happy April 1

Anonymous said...

Please tell me this April fools...please.

Anonymous said...

Very funny post, but not that far off of the mark. Robert Morris has paid 70 staff members including 32 PhD's to work on a new translation of the bible called The Tree of Life Bible (TLV). It's supposed to be for Messianic Jews. No word yet on its position on new covenant tithing. Perhaps he's already got that covered in the TLV. If not, look for Morris to hire even more "real" PhD's (see http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2015/03/30/gateway-church-pastor-robert-morris-claims-to-hold-a-doctorate-of-literature/ re: Morris' fake doctorate) using tither's money to create yet another translation of the bible.

John said...

You got me.

The Govteach said...

I believed it for about two seconds....but you know, I wouldn't be shocked if it was real...

Anonymous said...

This is the first and probably last time I will visit your site. I was expecting truth. A lie in the form of an 'April Fool' joke is still a lie.
A disclaimer at the beginning would have been appropriate.

FBC Jax Watchdog said...

Waaa, waaa, waaaaa!!! The point is this is a mixture or truth and farce. Hyperlinks in this article take you to video documentation of things these men have said that WOULD lead you to think this could be true. I think it is hilarious!! Besides, for most evangelicals the source of "truth" relied upon is "Pastor", not "Watchdog"

Anonymous said...

I'll bet that same anon has no problem with Caner lying for a decade. But a joke he has problems with. Give me a break!

Anonymous said...

Anon was probably upset because he wanted to buy a copy. Maybe if you gave more they could afford to produce this Bible.

Victorious said...

"Fork ye over all the tithes to the church...

That one was too funny!

Anonymous said...

Now PONY UP!!! #slaininthespirit

Anonymous said...

Certainly some pastors abuse the gifts of those in the congregations they serve. However, most do not!! One can disagree and have serious discussions over interpretations of the relevant passages on giving without the type of in
insults that often are found in comments on this subject.

Anonymous said...

Really? How silly, it was a joke.

WishIhadknown said...

All joking aside.

With April 15th rapidly closing in on us, I was thinking. Pastors, if you really want to do something to radically help the members of your congregation, tell them to pay their taxes instead of giving to the church. Not only will this help your church in the long run; there is a failure to pay penalty of up to 25% so ultimately your members will have more to give; but it will also relieve the stress and strain on your members from owing money to the IRS and it will save marriages.

God calls us to give generously but he also calls us to not be wasteful and stupid.

Pay your taxes, Jesus did.

“Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s…”

Anonymous said...

Umm Please someone kindly tell me I'm having a bad dream. Throw some cold water on me or something. I hope to God above this is a April FOOLS joke NOT that it isn't totally believable.

Beautifulglo said...

You are gross Robert Morris for your atrocious mishandling of God's Holy Word with your so called Revised Storehouse Tithing whatever, whatever. I won't even call it bible as you and all the others with you who endorse such a grotesque interpretation of Gods True, pure and Holy Word that He has given us to teach, encourage guide, direct, correct and all other words to that effect!!! You and all others that are involved in this perverse wording of His Holy Truth WILL give account when each of you stand ALONE before Him! READ HIS WORD REGARDING WHAT YOU HAVE DONE (TO HIM! For He is The Living Word!) Not Only IN BOOK OF REVELATION. Seems like you lost the Fear Of The Lord. May He have mercy on all of you! May our Lord have mercy on you.
AND THANKING LORD FOR THE FUNNY BLOGS. LOVE YOU BLOGGERS. You too Robert Morris and cohorts. I feel sorry for you. O.K. Guys I'm supposing this IS a gag and if it is I give Mr. Morris credit for 'allowing' us to joke around like this. LOVE YOU ALL. I'M REALLY HOPING THE JOKE WAS REALLY ON US! I think it was! Sorry Robert. :(

Anonymous said...

Dog, why don't you just go ahead and come out as a non-Christian. Come on, you know you want to do it, and it's pretty obvious to anyone who's been reading you for any length of time.